Never again
by Geraldine
Summary: Sam has dreams. Strange, strange dreams...


Title : Never again  
  
Author : Geraldine  
  
Category : Humor  
  
Rating : G  
  
Summary : Sam has dreams. Strange, strange dreams…  
  
Disclaimer : They belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, NBC, Warner Brothers, and I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. So obviously, they don't belong to me. I'm not making money from this story, I just have too much free time on my hands. So I'm begging : don't sue.  
  
Acknowledgements : Many thanks to Emily, who beta'd this for me.  
  
**Never again**  
  
Sam woke up. And freaked.  
  
What the hell were they all doing, watching him like that?  
  
"You okay, Spanky?" CJ asked. Smiling.  
  
Uh oh, this was going to be bad. He could feel it.  
  
He could predict it.  
  
It was in the air - and on the faces of his friends.  
  
"Yeah," he answered neutrally.  
  
"_Good, don't give them more ammunition than they already have_," whispered the small voice in his head.  
  
A voice in his head? That was worrisome, decided Sam.  
  
And why were they still staring?  
  
His confusion must have shown on his face. Josh smiled, and filled him in. "Anyone ever tell you that you talk in your sleep, buddy?"  
  
Well, yeah, a few of the people he had slept with, but that was only when -  
  
Why was Josh asking?  
  
The answer was obvious, and he felt the blood drain from his face. Then rush back.  
  
Oh no…  
  
"What's the big deal with your hair?" Josh went on.  
  
Sam swallowed, remembering his dream - one of the rather disturbing dreams he had had during his too short nap. On Air Force One.  
  
Three of the most intimidating women on the face of the Earth - Nancy, Abbey, Jenny - arguing about whether he needed a haircut.  
  
Deciding that he did.  
  
Him, begging them to leave him alone. Rattling a few facts about Samson.  
  
"It's only a myth, you know?" Josh said, still smiling.  
  
Damn him, Sam thought.  
  
Besides, wasn't there some basis behind every myth?  
  
Not that he was worried. He just happened to like his hair as it was - longish, but not too long.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
He didn't know what to answer, so he didn't say anything.  
  
"_Good, don't give them any more ammunition_," the voice in his head told him.  
  
"_Shut up_," he told the voice. Then he worriedly looked at his friends. Had they heard him?  
  
He breathed when he realized that they hadn't.  
  
CJ, perhaps seeing that he wouldn't dignify their base attempts at embarrassing him, said, "Never mind."  
  
"Thanks CJ," he almost said.  
  
Would have said, hadn't the press secretary added, "The tattoo dream was more interesting anyway."  
  
Ugh.  
  
He had talked during that one?  
  
"If it hurt so much, why did you go through with it?" CJ asked, curious.  
  
Because a man doesn't walk out on a bet, especially when he's twenty-two, and blind drunk.  
  
"Because," he grumbled.  
  
"Where is it?" she asked.  
  
"Nowhere," he said, illogically.  
  
"Where?" Josh insisted.  
  
"I was young," he defended.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"And drunk!"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Nowhere. Forget about it, will you!"  
  
"Yes, by all means, let's," Toby said dryly.  
  
Sam wasn't fooled this time. Toby wasn't his defender, he knew.  
  
He was his next prosecutor.  
  
"Why is it," Toby asked, "that you learned entire pages of the dictionary?"  
  
"I didn't learn them by heart," he pointed out.  
  
"Technicality," CJ said. "You were saying random words. And defining them."  
  
Sam shrugged. "I get a little side-tracked when I look up a word, sometimes," he explained.  
  
Sometimes, he'd find the word he was looking for, then the word written above or below it would catch his eye, then another one, and another, and before he'd know it, he would have read two pages of words and definitions.  
  
He didn't mind.  
  
He liked words.  
  
"What were you looking up on the page where 'bondage' was featured?" Toby asked.  
  
"Oh God," Sam said, blushing hard.  
  
"Yeah," Josh told him, feigning compassion. Failing miserably.  
  
"You scuba dive?" CJ asked.  
  
Not liking where this was headed, he nodded carefully. "Scuba dive? Er, yeah. Well, I used to. Why?"  
  
"Because you suddenly begun to rattle off the names of a few aquatic animals. Out of the blue - no pun intended."  
  
Right.  
  
"It was funny."  
  
He sighed.  
  
This was what he got for eating too much before the plane took off.  
  
"Calmar."  
  
He always had… bizarre dreams when he ate too much shortly before the plane took off.  
  
"Medusa."  
  
"Moray."  
  
Had they actually observed him while he slept?  
  
"Cute little anonymous fishes."  
  
"Sea horse."  
  
For, what, three hours? Four?  
  
"Octopus."  
  
"Sharks - you seemed pretty afraid of this one, by the way."  
  
"All right, I get it," he snapped. "Can we move on, here?"  
  
He wanted to sound strong and commanding.  
  
He didn't think he had managed it.  
  
"Oh, and Sam?" CJ said.  
  
"What?" he asked resignedly. This was a nightmare.  
  
"Your fans… I'm sure they don't mean any harm. There's no need to beg for them to stop obsessing about your, er, gorgeous body and animal sexuality. Or whatever."  
  
He blushed again.  
  
Hard.  
  
They laughed and left him, telling him to get some sleep before the plane touched down. Sam sat back and sighed, enjoying the respite, and not intending to sleep again , thank you very much.  
  
The President's voice startled him. "I hear you're quite versed in fishes," he said. "Did you know that salmons swim against the current when they lay?"  
  
The President waved Sam back in his seat when Sam scrambled to his feet.  
  
Then, the President, the geekiest man alive, sat in front of him.  
  
Sam watched, incredulous, as Bartlet launched into a conference between different races of salmons.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
He vaguely thought that it was ironic.  
  
"Sam!"  
  
He wasn't going to die of embarrassment, but of boredom.  
  
"SAM!"  
  
-oOo-  
  
Sam woke up. And freaked.  
  
What the hell were they all doing, watching him like that?  
  
Wait, hadn't he done that, already?  
  
"We're landing," Toby said.  
  
Oh.  
  
That had been a bad, bad dream, then.  
  
He closed his eyes, relieved beyond words.  
  
It had all been an illusion.  
  
This was reality.  
  
He loved reality.  
  
They were all smiling at him and he smiled in return, to show them that he loved their real selves.  
  
"Anyone ever tell you that you talk in your sleep, buddy?" Josh asked.  
  
The smile froze on his lips.  
  
Under the surprised eyes of his colleagues, he pinched himself.  
  
Yup, definitely awake.  
  
And, ouch…  
  
"Spanky?"  
  
This was real, then.  
  
He hated reality.  
  
"So, what is the deal with your hair?" Josh asked.  
  
Sam groaned, and closed his eyes.  
  
This was a nightmare, he thought, listening to his colleagues as they mocked him.  
  
"I'm never eating again before I catch a plane," he resolved.  
  
No, never again, he vowed when CJ began to laugh.  
  
END


End file.
